She…

She likes:
The color green
Partridges
Chukars
The Office
Soccer
Shahrukh Khan
Going to Wonderland
Nasheeds
Making fun of weird people on facebook

She doesn’t like:
Me

Special

She’s so special to me but I don’t think she knows what I mean by that. When I tell her how I feel about her she calls it weirdness. When I don’t talk at all she urges me to say something, anything. I wish she could see the ocean of love I have for her inside my heart… As a Pashtun, I could die for a girl like that, not saying that I would, but I could… What do I have to do to prove to her and to show her how I truly feel? I feel like I’m saying the wrong things more and more. I can’t get my real feelings out in the open. I know she’s terrified of heartbreak – I am too – but if we don’t take the plunge I know there will always be a “What if?” in the back of my mind, no matter where life takes me.

zakka

You don’t know

You don’t know how much I love you.
You don’t know that I’ve dreamt about you every night since we met.
You don’t know the pain I feel when you’re not around.
You don’t know the affect you’ve had on me.
You don’t know how your simple words can make me so weak.
You don’t know how much I hate those who hurt you.
You don’t know…

Strict Women

When I was younger an Egyptian friend friend told me “Zakka, whatever you do, marry a Muslim girl, because a non-Muslim one won’t tell your kids to get up off the couch and go pray!” I’ve remembered that little saying for years now and it’s even developed a desire to marry a strict girl.

There is something about strict women that is just so attractive. Women who not only speak their mind but are tough overall too. Women who can keep not only their kids but their husbands in line too. I mean, let’s face it, there are many men who need to be kept in line too – I’m one of them.

I wanted to elaborate more on this, but I just can’t find the words right now. I think I’ll pick this up later on.

zakka

Dream Girl

I’ve always wondered what people mean by dream girl. I mean, as men we probably dream of thousands of different girls throughout our lifetimes, I know I do. Recently I’ve only been dreaming of one though.

But when people use the term dream girl it often applies to just one girl. Some kind of special girl? Who knows.

I think I have two dream girls right now. They might be the same girl though, so I can’t be sure.

zakka

Age & Value

What has more value in this world? A girl or a woman. I was thinking about this today, it was one of the many weird things I’ve spent more than 5 minutes contemplating. I came to the conclusion that women have more value.

Not being a female myself it’s not easy to understand how a girl socially becomes a woman, but it is evident that the change is quite significant.

I suppose the same can be said for boys and men.

My cousins are all getting married these days. As soon as one is hitched the pressure moves on to the next in line. If I only look at the males, there are 2 guys before me who have to get married before I’m in the hot seat. One just got married this March and now the next is already being scratched away at. He says he’s going to wait 4 or 5 years before tying the knot with his belle, but his mom is intent on the date being much sooner.

I’ve drifted away from the initial topic but it’s weird how the girls get no pressure. How can they, right? They’re girls! They can’t just go pick a guy and get married to him, it’s more complex than that.

The young women are no doubt of more value than the young men, and they are taken care of really well when it comes to these things. A mother would be much happier complaining about her daughter-in-law than be worrying about her own daughter’s marital bliss. Ah well, now I’m rambling.

zakka

I dunno what to call this

What does it take to make or break a person? A moment? A year? A lifetime?
What does it mean to be made or broken?
Why is it that while you can pull covers over the eyes of some, other people can always see through you?

It’s as if certain individuals are made to know you. To know when you’re lying or telling the truth.

I’ll always remember this relevent quote by the character Robin Williams plays in “Good Will Hunting.”

I’d ask you about love, you’d probably quote me a sonnet. But you’ve never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell.

Pawns

I am a pawn. You are a pawn. We’re all pawns.

In this world we have no arms, no legs, no muscles, and no power. We are pawns who follow the same cycle of success and failure, of joy and heartbreak, of laughter and tears. A pawn is just a pawn. It has no name, it has no face, it has nothing. A pawn is used one day and forgotten the next. Sadly, a pawn cannot see beyond its plastic coating to know what it really is and why it exists. The proverbial saying, “Life is a journey, not a destination,” is highly incorrect. If one does not know their destination, they are just a pawn.

zakka

In the Dark

I feel lost and angry these days. I have a terrible old habit of bottling things up and not letting them go. I haven’t cried in years and years. I didn’t shed a tear when my brother passed away, nor when my grandfather passed. I get emotional over religious things at times but my eyes still stay dry.

I think I’ve lost something very special in my life. Everyone has their own view of what is perfect, mainly when it comes to people. You meet someone who you see as a perfect person. Someone you could listen to for days on end without turning away. Someone so unique and so exquisite that you’d think they came straight out of your dreams.

When you lose something like that you’re not even at the position you were before you met them. You feel like you’ve been thoroughly mixed into the dirt. You feel like you just fell from the top of the world and landed in a huge pile of crap.

Why people do what they do is something people can never get a grasp of. Fear, expectations, and tradition are words I have begun to despise. Why fear the truth? Why do people have to suffer so that traditions can survive? It’s ridiculous.

No doubt the other person gets hurt too, but they play along like nothing has changed for them. No one can be that dead inside, no matter who you are or where you come from. People are all the same – they all need love.

Love is such a stupid word too. Love doesn’t even exist. It’s a term given to a number of concepts like loyalty, compassion, honesty etc. so that we don’t have to say all those things to one another.

When a person doesn’t get the love they want they become angry. They need to get all that anger out or they’ll end up breaking down somewhere at some random time. I need to get this poison out of me before it ruins me mentally.

zakka

Four Red Roses

This title is just something I thought of a minute ago (12:56 am). If I ever write a novel, I’ll name it “Four Red Roses” just for fun.